Happy New Year!
pass the Alka-Seltzer
31 December, 1998 by IT Reviews Staff
We'll hopefully be in the former half. Following an entire month of press parties (congratulations to Epson and QMS for the best of the year), some of us are going to a nightclub, where the indigenous population is at least ten years younger than us (wahey!). Others are planning a more relaxing time with their families. Pubs and hotels also feature as New Year destinations for some UK IT journalists, but possibly the weirdest option is that chosen by one of our reviewers, who's heading off into the countryside to dance in a stone circle with his girlfriend and let off fireworks. Still, hopefully the Prevention of Terrorism Squad will release him in time to write a few more reviews for us in January.
So, assuming that all of us and all of you survive this evening of potential debauchery, what does next year, the last year of the millennium (yes, I know) have in store for us? Well, here are a few predictions, in no particular order of likelihood:
1) There'll be yet more wild claims, tabloid scare stories and occasional valid worries about the millennium bug, which will bring life as we know it to a complete end in exactly one year and eight hours' time. Or not.
2) Peter Mandelson will become Labour's prime candidate for the Mayorship of London, following the freakish and unexplained disappearances of all of his rivals in bizarre gardening incidents.
3) IT Reviews will start to make some proper money, once we finally decide how best to convert the thousand hits per day (and rising) into hard beer tokens. Yes, I know; it's not particularly likely...
4) Richard Branson will again fail to circumnavigate the globe in a balloon. Twice.
5) Saddam Hussain will continue to soundly thrash ClintonBlair in the chess game that is international political popularity.
6) Aliens will make contact with the human race, offering incredible technological advances such as a crash-proof operating system and the ability to browse the Web in the evening at something approaching a decent speed.
7) The BBC will introduce a new TV programme aimed at the IT-aware yoof culture, show-casing the computer skills of famous pop characters. Called "TechnoCoolYeahOK", the first episode will feature Liam Gallagher reviewing a top-spec, big-name 450MHz Pentium II games machine: "It's shit."
8) It will rain a lot.
Feel free to bet on any of these events coming to pass. Some are obviously more likely than others (Us make money? Nah.), but if you choose your wager carefully, and find a particularly gullible bookie, you might even earn yourself a bit of cash to spend on Millennium Eve, assuming that all the pubs and clubs aren't shut due to computer error or astronomical staff wages. If you do win, and want to tell me about it, please don't shout too loud. My hang-over could be quite a monster.
