A large poster in a railway station, depicting a cornfield on a sunny day with some of the corn stalks pressed flat in the shape of the letter 'i'. Caption: "I checked my balance here."

Interesting. Let's assume that the person being quoted is some sort of male nerd. A bit stereotypical, perhaps, but I think it's a fair assumption. His girlfriend (probably attracted to him in the first place by his high earning potential and inability to notice other women due to a fascination with all things IT) has suggested, not unreasonably, that the two of them should take a romantic walk in the countryside, making the most of the good weather.

Nerdboy grudgingly agrees and, pausing only to grab the various pieces of electronic equipment that enliven his otherwise empty life, escorts her to the nearest open field, probably checking his e-mail on the way.

Girlfriend tries hard to suspend her disbelief, telling herself how nice it is to spend time with Nerdboy (who's blinking painfully in the unnaturally natural sunlight of the real world) and that perhaps he might make a good father. She's just about to suggest a roll in the hay (OK, straw), when Nerdboy shouts "Yahay, I've got a connection. Look, look, I can even check my bank balance from here."

Girlfriend returns home alone. Nerdboy is never seen again, but there's now a small area of freshly-dug earth in the cornfield and some suspiciously fat crows waddling around nearby.

Well, I can dream. But full (marketing) marks go to a different mobile phone company - Orange - whose current advertising campaign seems to consist of encouraging people to turn their bloody mobile phones off, relax and get a life. I don't know if it'll work, but Orange has got a mention in this editorial and the Nerdboy company hasn't, so it's a start.

Take note, Crackberry addicts and other fans of mobile Internet & e-mail: you're wasting your lives.